Overwhelmed

O-chem 118B:
Why am I giving up?
I'm not; I'm being smart. I know my limitations. My GPA is more important than which classes I take right now.

Why do I feel like this then?
I'm not over it. I feel like I'm giving up, disappointing my tutor, my mom, myself.

When will this feeling go away?
I don't know. Maybe at the end of the quarter when I get my grades; if they're good, I'll know I did the right thing.

Will I be able to handle this type of stress in med school?
If God wants me to, God will guide me through it.

Then what about that running thing? Hard at first (first 3 laps), but it gets easier(last 5 laps), isn't that what God told you?
Yes, I believe so. "Keep trying no matter how hard it seems; it will get easier." I keep thinking about that. I'm not sure if I'm making the right decision. Maybe it's more than just not giving up. Maybe I have to actively make smart decisions in order to get through this initial tough part. I'm not sure, but my advisor and dad told me to definitely drop it, while mom and my tutor said to keep going. I need God to tell me just a little bit more; I'd like to be just a little bit more sure of this. But I guess that's the whole point of religion: faith.
I just had a thought: It could be that I'm not even supposed to be in science and that's why I'm having these hard times.

One thing I wonder about is why my mom keeps bringing up Community and Regional Development. I don't even feel anything toward CRD anymore (except when I read Jawarharlal Nehru's letters to his daughter). My mom apologized for talking me into going back into science. She doesn't think I can handle science. When I'm in science, she doesn't think I can handle it, but when I leave science, she convinces me to go back. That irritates me. I need to talk to her about that. But all she wants to do is to help me; she just doesn't know what to say, I guess. I should stop taking her advice I think and just start talking to my dad. He always gives very sound advice, he always knows what he's talking about.
Dad's going to have surgery tomorrow. I'm starting to get scared about that. I wonder if he's scared...
I just got off the phone with my o-chem tutor; I told her that I'm dropping. I still have no idea how she feels about it, other than the fact that she won't be getting $20/hour from me. But seriously, I think she supports me.
...Now I'm worrying about my dad. he'll be fine, c'mon how can I believe that?
Why am I not studying right now??

I'm going to pray some.