If You Live Life Without Risks, You May As Well Be Dead

Jorge and I talked about V-Tech the other day. I knew he'd disagree with my wanting to go to the vigil on campus the other day. I'm glad I talked to him about it because I think he finally understood my point, my reasoning. I told him about how it was a college campus, how there was so much potential lost, so many accomplishments wasted.

A triple major, a Holocaust survivor...among the dead. It's sad; I'm over it now, but it felt good to be understood, by Jorge no less.

I'm going home tonight to have dinner with my parents and some family friends (yuck). I'll be hanging out with my brother a lot. He's cool.


OHMYGODIT'SLIKE100000DEGREESFARIENHEIGHT

Tragedy at Virginia Tech

I didn't hear about the shooting until about 7:30pm today, just a few hours ago.

At first the timeline seemed relatively straightforward: a guy came onto campus, killed a couple of people at a dorm, the dorm was locked down, then walked across campus and killed 30 people before finally killing himself. But now, there's some speculation about what happened. They're now not sure if both the shootings are related, or if there was just one shooter. Regardless of what happened, it will be remembered for a long time. This is the 5th school shooting this year, and it's only April. Where is our homeland security? Where is our protection?
I keep thinking about how one girl said she survived. The gunman came into her 25 person classroom and killed all but four people. She said she survived by pretending to be dead.
The whole incident in that classroom couldn't have lasted more than two minutes. I can't even imagine how scary that must be, to be trying to stay awake learning German at 9 in the morning one minute and then have to figure out how you're going to keep yourself alive the next.
Picnic Day was two days ago in Davis, and I can't help but think that something really serious could easily have happened then. I don't remember seeing any kind of security measures being imposed, no police, nothing. We were lucky that day.
Thirty three people died. How could the cops let this happen? How could so many people die just like that? Why did it take so long for help to get there? Have we not made any progress since 9/11??
Obviously, I'm emotional about this. I'm mad that we let it happen. I'm sad that so many people died, people that had the potential to help change the world for the better.
I feel sick at the reaction of my roommates. They're both in bed right now. I don't know why I should expect them to care. It happened in Virginia, nearly 3,000 miles away. Honestly, though, it disturbs me how nonchalant one of them was about the deadliest school shooting in U.S. History. I mean, at least one was interested in the video taken from a cell phone. The other just kept studying at the dining table.

Oh My! Fallacy! Fallacy in My Words!

What a downer. I was having such a good week. I went to a concert that I had decided to go to that day! There were three tickets left and we got two of them! I drove to San Francisco and we were ten feet from the stage and it was the most amazing, spontaneous thing I'd ever done! Then classes have been going so well because in upper division classes are smaller and so everybody kind of knows everybody. Classes have consisted more of discussion than of lecture, which is really great. I mean, at least it keeps you awake. I've been making new friends that are really really nice, and interested in the same stuff that I'm interested in. I got back into Sepia Mutiny after the longest time. But that's when it happened. Honestly, it seems like every time I make an effort to participate in my own ethnic community, it blows up in my face. I questioned the authenticity of someone's story and I understand that it was completely unnecessary on my part. I felt terrible after reading some of the other comments that I read, and publicly/officially apologized for the misplaced judgment. What made it ten times worse was that one of the bloggers made it into an even bigger issue by posting an entire blog on the issue.
Okay, judging much???
I mean, I've apologized now multiple times! I know that not all the blame is focused on me. In fact, most of it is on the other guy, who has apologized, but continues to defend his comments. I don't know, I just feel like this is so hypocritical: to get all pissy at me for making a mistake! To call me out on judging someone too quickly. What the fuck are all of you doing??

Patience. I have to remember and practice it. I just have to remember that the real important thing to remember here is the fact that I learned something. I learned that I can't act like I know anyone's story. Only God has the right to judge anyone.

Regarding Shaadi

After this bit of news, I decided to collect and express my thoughts on the subject of marriage within the majority of South Asian society.

Parents are interested in their child's personal happiness. However, subconsciously they feel that their child will be happy when subscribing to the socially constructed status quo (i.e. making society happy). While not necessarily intentional, parents still believe that only they have the mental and emotional capacity to choose the right person for their child. But the notion that "mother knows best" regarding her child's life partner requires confidence in the assumption that the parents have a thorough understanding of their child's identity. Being raised with South Asian values in the United States, I know that this is very often not the case (not only within the South Asian community, but in the greater sphere of family life). Second generation immigrants are obliged to lead dual lives; they uphold their parents' values when surrounded by a society that abides by such values and, in more amenable settings, they exhibit personalities that are usually different from those to which their parents have been exposed. The psychological result here is that parents project their own notions of what happiness is and what personal qualities will make their child "happy" Young adults are then persuaded to marry exactly those suiters who fit their equation for happiness, unconscious of the fact that their happiness equation may not "equal" that of their child's. The parents' input data is wrong because it's missing half of their child's personality, half of their essence.

I like this quote from the discussion thread of the story:

"Generally speaking, the better your relationship with your parents, the more likely it is that an arranged marriage could work. Ironically, the better your relationship with your parents is, the less likely they are to try and strip you of choice."

Dumb Submission

It was a dumb submission, a question answered truthfully. I really thought god wanted me to put myself out there because I would get what I wanted; not in this case. It's funny because I've known the answer for so long, but I still thought, "Maybe." Oh, well. Now I know for sure. On to someone else, I suppose.

I'm starting to think that I'm crazy for sensing divine intervention in a few recent coincidences.