What a downer. I was having such a good week. I went to a concert that I had decided to go to that day! There were three tickets left and we got two of them! I drove to San Francisco and we were ten feet from the stage and it was the most amazing, spontaneous thing I'd ever done! Then classes have been going so well because in upper division classes are smaller and so everybody kind of knows everybody. Classes have consisted more of discussion than of lecture, which is really great. I mean, at least it keeps you awake. I've been making new friends that are really really nice, and interested in the same stuff that I'm interested in. I got back into Sepia Mutiny after the longest time. But that's when it happened. Honestly, it seems like every time I make an effort to participate in my own ethnic community, it blows up in my face. I questioned the authenticity of someone's story and I understand that it was completely unnecessary on my part. I felt terrible after reading some of the other comments that I read, and publicly/officially apologized for the misplaced judgment. What made it ten times worse was that one of the bloggers made it into an even bigger issue by posting an entire blog on the issue.
Okay, judging much???
I mean, I've apologized now multiple times! I know that not all the blame is focused on me. In fact, most of it is on the other guy, who has apologized, but continues to defend his comments. I don't know, I just feel like this is so hypocritical: to get all pissy at me for making a mistake! To call me out on judging someone too quickly. What the fuck are all of you doing??
Patience. I have to remember and practice it. I just have to remember that the real important thing to remember here is the fact that I learned something. I learned that I can't act like I know anyone's story. Only God has the right to judge anyone.
2 comments:
Sonia (I'm assuming that is your name and if it is not, I apologize),
I'm sorry you felt that I was a hypocrite for writing that post and "judging you". We can go in circles with "it's judgmental of you to be judgmental of my being judgmental of him...etc".
It was not my intention to make you feel bad or ruin your week. I wasn't trying to single you out at all, there's a reason why I didn't quote you or link to your words. Contrary to popular myth, each of us uses the SM Intern handle-- on that thread, I used it and was sincere when I thanked you for owning your mistake. I was touched by your apology and thought so much of you for being so open and honest.
I am not trying to judge you. I am not trying to make you feel bad. I am no one to do either of those things. I have poured three years of my life in to this site and it means the world to me. I couldn't stand what I was seeing, after having been on the awful side of bullying my whole life and I stepped in-- if my writing an entire post about it made it ten times worse, I obviously failed in my mission to set things right.
I just want everyone to feel comfortable opening up at SM and that includes you. I hope you'll stay.
Thank you, A N N A. I really do appreciate the fact that you took the time for this. I also really do appreciate all of your contributions to Sepia Mutiny. I think I can speak for everyone there when I say that. Plus I go to UC Davis now, so you're pretty much my hero ;) Let me know if I can ever do anything to help out the Mutiny.
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