I Learned Something Today

I've been serenely looking for something for my mom, but so far nothing has really sparked my interest. Today, at work, I wanted to snag some lovely orchids so I'd at least have something to give besides cooking (an excellent) dinner tomorrow. As I scanned the aroma-filled floral section at Bel-Air (damn expensive, by the way) I found an arrangement I'd never seen before. It was a beautiful cymbidium orchid plant, the thick stem placed in its own small vase. The thing that really caught my eye though was that the whole plant was encased in a large cardboard box with a clear plastic front through which to see. Granted, the box was black for some reason, and had this ugly gold lining, but the concept was beautiful. It reminded me of those roses people get that come in a long box, you know? But, me being so indecisive, I started having doubts as to whether I should get it, whether it really was pretty, even before it was tediously rung up at the checkstand. I hesitantly bought the boxed arrangement, still terribly undecided, thinking I'd store it in the freezing 64-degree back room until I was off for the day. With feigned confidence, I marched back into the branch, where Jorge and Whitney were, and without a second's hesitation, Jorge mocked, "That is a tacky box they put that in." At first I was shocked, then just really really embarrassed. "It won't be in the box when I give it to her," I quickly replied, and rushed into the back room. I could feel my face blush as I tried my best to hide the flowers in the back, but the room is tiny and the box stuck out like a sore thumb. I didn't set foot in the back room if I could help it for the rest of the day; I sure as hell didn't so much as glance at the flowers. As I hurried to my car at the end of the day, I struggled to keep the gold lining against my chest so nobody would see and feel sorry for the loser that bought flowers in a box. I showed my brother when I got home, and he was really enthusiastic about liking the flowers, which definitely upped my confidence. But now, I keep thinking about this god-awful box in which the arrangement won't even be when I give this to mom. Damn Jorge. Seriously, what competent adult on earth says something like that? He might as well have shat out his mouth onto my self-esteem.
But I learned a couple of things right now, staring through the plastic. For one, Jorge is the most negative, most judgmental, pessimistic person I've ever met. Even though the front of the box was clear plastic and you could see right through to the flowers, he chose to first make a negative and condescending statement about the box! The outside! He judged the proverbial book by its cover! ...so cliche, so unbelievably cliche...
Second, I learned that it's unhealthy for me to be in Jorge's presence. I have been sitting for 20 minutes next to these flowers, these rather stunning gifts from God (with love), these delicate, stubborn flowers that someone before me took care of, nurished, trimmed, and had to let go, thinking that I had failed as a person to make a sound decision about what flowers to purchase on a day that businesses made up for their own profit, for a person who isn't even speaking to me (still!). I need to talk to dad about this tomorrow and see if he agrees that I should resign. I really think it's best for me, mentally and physically. Here's some more logic: I was talking to Mandeep today and we were talking about the job. She said she was having doubts as to whether she wanted to stay in banking, but she said she's never had a day where she woke up and thought, "Ugh, I have to work today." I realized I felt the exact opposite. I've never had a day where I woke up and thought, "Cool, I get to go to work today." For me, this is a dead-end job: Either I end it, or I'll die. Wow, that sounds way more serious than I wanted that to sound...

Okay enough depression. I wanted to have an appreciative, optimistic tone to this entry as well. Tonight, I realized I have the most amazing view of the moon at night, and I can stare at it from the comfort of my own home. We have these ridiculously huge windows in our home that let in some of the most spectacular sights I've seen in a long time. I think the night sky is ten times more enthralling when you can see it from inside your own home. Hopefully soon I'll have some pictures up, both of the night sky and the orchids. Then you can judge for yourself whether you like them or not!
Not that I'll care... :)